Thursday, June 28, 2007
I don't know which to way to go. After so much revelation from him and him.
One is willing to do anything for me. But I can't force him to do stuff that he isn't prepared to do. We've been spending time together and it was great.
Another wants me back and so do I, but seeing how 5 years and voidness have changed us, it ain't easy. And he has reservations on the new and changed me. Making me all the more confused. And I sense he is still the same person whom I left behind before? Hmm.
It's either going forward and start anew. Or turn back and start anew with your past.
Let's just wait.
Just don't be impulsive.
[Thursday, June 28, 2007]
How do you feel if someone said these to you...
"u noe, the sweetheart im looking for is u. And a part of me wants to believe that u'll change for the better one day........."
"Like I said, jodoh dalam tgn Allah. If we're meant to be together, not even a single soul can change tt. But if we're not. Then we're not. I've got 4 yrs in ntu. u have 3. We can meet anyone."
"its time we understand the consequnces of our actions lah. its about separating the truth from falsehood. its about going to heaven or hell. Marriage just simply isnt abt love. Responsibilities as husband n wife, as father n mother. Its a lot. "
"u haf ur weaknesses. As i have mine. I dont look at tt. maybe there are things which i do n u do not know of. Just that willingness to be a better muslim........thats all..."
"love is the fruit of a marriage tt is blessed by the Lord."
"one of the most painful things i've ever done in life was trying to forget u......"
(among the touching ones)"u wouldnt noe...how much i tot of u when i was on those mountains in taiwan.....in the thick jungles of brunei......looking over the sea in tekong...u were pretty much on my mind lah..a lot"
"i was sleeping...and dreamt of us going separate ways....and tt i ran n ran looking for u....haha..woke up feeling depressed and confided with my frens as to why i still think of u...subconsciously...haizzzz.."
"i always told myself tt u were never gonna return..........so i tried hard to get over u....sometimes, i succeeded...other times, i failed...."
"but there has never been a day tt has passed by without me ever thinking of u and the past...."
"and now, we're at this junction in life where our paths cross again. haha.....never tot tt it would. I always felt tt np would be the last time i'd see u.....the place where our memories would forever exist..."
"somehow...i just tot tt if we were still together, i would've wanted u to be there and witness it. after all, not everyone gets to witness a parade....haha..n u noe..my commissioning ball.....i went without a date....haha..was all alone man"
"reminiscence unerased, feelings are never extinguished............our paths may be 1.....but we could also tread down a different one. For now, i'll just be a friend........nothing more, nothing less. Also, another guy's in the picture so i dont wanna complicate tt even further, Let time n fate take its course.........should ur path lie elsewhere, then I'd be happy for u and search for my own."
"haha.....im still hoping tt my sweetheart will return of cos.......but i dont expect tt to definitely happen. of cos....criterias et etc must be met.......bottom line's just tt.....i hope but i dont expect"
"lost hope???hmmmm.........tt'll happen the day u say u choose another........then there is no reason for me to yearn for that which i've lost"
"u try too hard to seek a partner to provide u with love etc etc.........but sometimes i feel u forget that even if u dont feel loved, u are........by our Lord....."
As for me, I think the best one that I replied was...
"but He sent someone for me. n u too. n everyone"
And tonight, like any other night. I dwell again. And I had to choose, this time, is for real.
[Thursday, June 28, 2007]
Monday, June 25, 2007
I better stop going to Kinokuniya (it sounds like konnyaku jelly). I can't seem to stop buying books. I can't remember since when I loved them. I see a book as something which is waiting to be unravelled, waiting to be read. THAT makes it very enticing.
Still onto The Time-Traveler's Wife. I secretly wish that I would never finish reading it, heh. Oh and I bought that Chicken Soup for Teachers' soul. Yes, the one that I did not buy cos it wasnt 'perfect' but since no new stock arrived yet, I just went on and bought it. Second book is ,'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. =)
Mock camp starting like, soon.
Toodles!
[Monday, June 25, 2007]
Saturday, June 23, 2007
How was my trip. Hmm. I seemed to tie up everything that I experienced during my trip with my life, hence I made up my own metaphor of life in retrospect.
Firstly. I found my Swatch. It was all along in the side pocket of my bag. Found it while I was putting my spectacle in that pocket during my Genting trip. I said before that sometimes you lost what you thought you had forever. And now I realised time and again that if it's fated to be yours, it will be. No matter how hard you try, how happy you are or were, and no matter how hard you try to fool yourself by thinking that you found happiness, IF it isn't yours, it won't be. So no use boasting around, no use fretting over and no use making enemies or throwing people out because of the slightest thing. It reflects badly on all of us. And we call ourselves Muslims? What a shame.
Look out for more photos. I'm so swarmed with work. yes, work.
[Saturday, June 23, 2007]
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Today as in Monday the 18th, was fun! Started off with some of Adhoc FOC members video shooting Isnin's sister's son for our opening video. And then we split while the some of us did shopping for props while me and others went to order the t-shirts. And then some of us, went for Pirates of The Caribbean Sea 3. ok ok lor the movie. A bit lost sometimes.
Before the movie, me and some of us (hehe), went to Kino since one of us is a staff there hence the discount. I went crazy and almost bought like, 5 purchases? Why I say purchases instead of books is because one of the purchase consisted of 5 Jane Austen's books in one box, for only $39.90 and if you buy individual ones, it would cost you like 14odd bux. weird huh. And then I almost bought some other books before settling for The Time Traveler's wife as my 2nd purchase and that Chicken Soup for the Teachers' soul books were kinda in a crappy state and that only 2 books were availabe and no new stock, hence my 3rd purchase will have to wait.
My 'The Time Traveler's (shd be traveller in Brit English by the way) Wife' is, as we speak, or rather blog, still at Kino because I requested for jacketing (book wrap) and that we did not have enough time to wait as the lady had to wrap other books before mine and that we had to rush for Maghrib and movie, so one of us will be collecting the book for me. =). Take care of the book hor. You know I am very fussy. You saw how bitchy I was just now. heh. oops.
I went to check out Sweet Valley books and they were sold out! So Sweet Valley is still alive!!! Good Heavens!
And 3 hours before Genting trip! Don't miss me people!
[Tuesday, June 19, 2007]
Monday, June 18, 2007
Ahhh. I saw this from Humairah's. Very cute!You Would Be a Pet Bird 
Why you would make a great pet: You're very smart and entertaining
Why you would make a bad pet: You're not interested in being anyone's pet!
What you would love about being a bird: Flying, obviously
What you would hate about being a bird: Being caged
[Monday, June 18, 2007]
Sunday, June 17, 2007
So many things to be said. Let's start some.
I cursed myself for losing my Swatch at Holiday Villa. I was exceptionally sad. Why? Because it carried a sentimental value.
It was given by my then med-student brother, 7 yrs ago, while I was still a secondary 3 student. He gave me the Swatch when he got some money for his birthday. The watch is a reminder of the hardship we went through as a family to get doc bro thru med school. I remembered going electricity--less in the morning for the whole week as we were late in our bills.
The Swatch morphed overtime. From blue strap with normal face to a flower face and strap and from that flower strap to a retro circles strap. Your truly is very rough. Thank God for warranty. Though in the end, the watch was not the original anymore, still, it morphed from the one my bro presented it to me.
It's funny that sometimes you though that you gonna stuck with it as you have had it for like, so long (7 years, for my case). And suddenly, it just wasn't there anymore. And it took me 48 hours later to realise it was gone.
All this realisation happend just before I went to school for props and games day. I was crying a little in the bus. heh. and my emotions got the better of me a monkey which, or rather who, decided to irritate me. Almost had a pseudo asthmatic attack because of him.
Langkawi adventure will have to be delayed as yet to collate the pics and also..am going for Genting this Tuesday. weee.
Oh and have to brace myself for more monkey act of his like, less then 12 hours later today. and a movie date later. heeee.
Talking about movie date, I watched Fantastic 4 last night with a friend. Kena nagged by his advices though. hurrr. Thanks 'bro'.
[Sunday, June 17, 2007]
Friday, June 15, 2007
The past is coming back to me. Smelling fresh. good.
A newly made friend but then we already know each other thru events by NTUMS, called me and talked to me frequently, giving me advice. weird. He is an NTU senior by the way.
'Shiok Sendiri'. new phrase. though nobody is shiok-ing sendiri. please. it's very mean.
Bottomline. We are all Friends. first.
My hands are tied. Apologies.
[Friday, June 15, 2007]
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Back at home.
Thousands of pictures.
So many things to say.
But nothing's changed.
Been thinking a lot while half-drowning myself in Holiday Villa Langkawi bathtub. I'm at the crossroad yet again. I think this person is too good for me. Too good that should I tell him all about my past and mistakes, he would not even look my way anymore. But then you love a person for who she or he is and not judge them at any way right? Still, the past will somehow affect your present life, no?
I don't know. you tell me should I tell you or not. and risk losing you. do you even want to know?
[Tuesday, June 12, 2007]
Sunday, June 10, 2007
By the way, I'm flying off. Where the sea is blue-er. =). If only I DO NOT NEED to come back.
[Sunday, June 10, 2007]
Friday, June 08, 2007
Been looping 'Umbrella' by Rihanna (feat Jay Z) and 'Heal me, I'm Heartsick' by No Vacancy again and again. Such meaningful lyrics.
[Friday, June 08, 2007]
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Aww. throb. throb. aww.
Dr House would say, "Let's do a differential diagnosis on Jannah."
And his board would look like this:
Brain Tumour
Ionic Imbalance
Dementia
Alzheimer's
Inherited migraine
I have this horrendous migraine throbbing in my head since Tuesday night. I thought I was experiencing a CSI (Las Vegas) withdrawal symptom. Dammit the meeting ended at 10.30pm and I thought I wanna make a dash to Huda's hall and watch teevee but nah. If the throbbing would not subside, I will hafta forego Thursday's (which is a few hours in time) flyer distribution.
It's weird that sometimes people who are not close to you, somewhat ask about your results. I told them it ain't good but they don't buy it. weird. Even more weirder when people apologise to you and in the end they ended up defending themselves, making their apologies appear somewhat unapologetic. And then somewhat bragging that they feel righteous in summoning guts to apologise to you. Good for them then. The nerve to even point their fingers back at you, questioning if you have not done any of the same mistakes the 'apologiser' makes. hmm. And then why is it that I always appear the bad girl just because the someone you like somewhat likes me? My fault? How can it be if I never do anything and what's more, both parties never started any relationship whatsoever. I anticipate this:
A: Eh, how?Any development not?
B: What development? No lah. Stop liking him already.
A: How come?
B: That girl lor. He likes her liao now. Wahlao. That girl anyhow cut my queue
Stop the bullshit. And give me a break.
Head throbs. Aww. Aww. Head Throbs
[Thursday, June 07, 2007]
Monday, June 04, 2007
Hmm. Last year I got quite a few nice taggers who will say something nice to me and stuff. Mr Joyful aka Hafiz, if you are reading this, I'm just wondering where have you been? Oh and skitso?! Where are you.
The funny thing is, I don't even know who are they. They don't even have blogs, I think.
[Monday, June 04, 2007]
Too many till today, me and 3 guy friends were confused and we ended up visiting 2 wrong weddings because there were like 2 more near the vicinity!! HAHA
Lemme start with Saturday. My good friend from Al-Irsyad tied the knot. She is Suhailah. And bride and groom look alike! =).
And an old time poly friend got hitched too today. The one where we got lost. HAHA. It's kinda fun though. We saw the bride and groom and realised the groom wasn't our friend and off we went. The second one. which we thought was the correct one, ALSO turned out to be the wrong one too. I kept saying that the multi-purpose hall is sandwiched between blk 211 and 212 but we were hanging around 200++. tsk.
**************************************************************************************************************
Ain't a blast being the substitute right?
Seriously, it isn't funny. I just hope you be reading this. Or maybe someone who is related to you read this and convey this to you.
You missed call me only to find me calling you back and that you tell me to call you that night. Weird. I was almost sandwiched in between the MRT doors while talking to you that time. Hmm
At around 10.30pm called u like, dozen times but no answer. Called you again nearly 1am and the same.
Next day, late afternoon, you called only to tell me to call you BACK at night and that sorry for not answering my call cos you were asleep. But I called you around 10 odd before the 1am one remember? But you claimed you have no phone records of that whatsoever. weird.
And few hours ago, I called only to be told by you to call you like. in 5 days time cos right now you're at KL? SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO SAY THAT YOU KEPT POSTPONING? I know you wanna save your phone bill but this is getting absurd!And then you even have the cheek to say 'Ok if you're not interested, no need to call?' knowing VERY well that curiosity isn't my best friend. Whateverrr.
And what is it with parents eh. They prioritise in making sure that their pride are not hurt, rather than we, the children's feelings.
Mum mentioned that he would not put my dad's name in my Bro's wedding card in future, meaning, just bro's name without the bin. I was enraged and replied by saying that if it's MY CARD, I would GLADLY put my full name, Nurjannah Binte Othman, as I'm proud of it. She said because not a lot of people know about her remarrying but What?!!! Is it something to be ashamed of? And it happened like, so long ago and why is it that things are still nonsensical? And why should we be involved? It's NOT OUR FAULT.
I don't know why but I get very touchy when people started to talk about my father. Why? Because I never get the chance to feel how is it like to really LIVE with him, and here they are, saying this and that.
My mum even said something like, if I were to put it, she asked me to ask my dad to take care of my wedding, if any. And I never talk to her the whole day.
Sometimes, OLD story keep coming up and out though I SWEAR it was long forgotten. Granny kept exaggerating he and his family said this and that though it was like last December's hot scoop and hence the incessants-- "Sudahlah, Jannah. Lupakan je pasal dia. Keluarga dia bukannya bagus sangat. Nanti kau menyesal". We are just normal friends but they thought I'm going out with him?!!!! And I don't even know the family first hand. I don't even wanna know anything anymore but there it was, granny yapping about the family's affair and it isn't nice lah. See? They only care about themselves cos they had bad experience with them. And they talk as if it happened yesterday though it was SOOO last season. I think they did not move on. I did. It isn't easy meeting him on a frequent basis and trying to act as if nothing happened. And unsolved.
And if you guys have nothing constructive to say, silence is golden. waaaay golden.
[Monday, June 04, 2007]
