Thursday, August 31, 2006
Bz bz bz beeeee
At this rate I could produced tonnes of Honey already..
Need to fight my sleepiness and push away ALL distractions..so no lovey dovey talks with bf or whatnots for the moment..prrftttt
Oh but I'm still going to the Mendaki BBQ thing this Saturday still..need to unwind once in a while..hehe...
I am so under pressure, I should be a Diamond by now..*bling bling*
[Thursday, August 31, 2006]
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Heyy ladies..
Does it ever crossed each of your mind that our counterpart actually DO GOSSIP?Imagine they read something about you in your blog entry and brought it up the next day over lunch?!!
HAhahha..it happened to me, about the post that I actually had to remove..WHY?Because I am back on track and I do not want that post to remind me of my foolishness
Geee..these human with so-called balls (I call them this as real human with balls do not actually gossiped about other lady's personal life) really DID jaga tepi kain orang..wahhaha..it just really tickled me when the news reached yours truly..whahahah
Imagine they were saying stuff like.."eh this girl eh yesterday had her period" when they are soooooo updated with your bloglife..
Kelakar lah korang (refers to these group of undergrads with balls)..I think korang full of crap and got nothing else to talk about over lunch because your *insert course name here* lectures boring giler eh?
Please lor..its not like those secondary school whereby people gossiped about saper suker saper..and what's more..I'm back on track..to think that they REALLy believe what I wrote and never investigate who is the person and is it really true that I'm a heartbreaker?Tsk Tsk..vicious fitnah..I have not even do anything to make them talk and they actually had?CNA-like nye korang..
As a good friend of mine told me, people who gossiped about others will be cursed..and of course I wish to see that curse in the making as they are the spreaders..
Am I affected?Nah..for what?I never did anything wrong..I do not have a guilty conscience..I think dorang yang jealous gaknye..By Golly
LOLNESSS...*clutching stomach*
[Saturday, August 26, 2006]
8 months and going Insya Allah...
With God's Bless...
Doubts and diversions aside...
It will just be me and you...
Hope that we are able to go to the next level smoothly
I'm ready...
I know you are...
I Love YOU, period.
To love is pleasant, To be Loved is Transcendent. NJO
[Saturday, August 26, 2006]
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Just gotten back from the hair salon..geee..today is Union day and fortunately (smirks) my class fell between the union time off while my roommie got class..but I have a feeling that there will be a make up session for today's 3 hours lecture (smirk again)
Haizzz..just because my first Educational Psychology class fell on National day, a make up lession is scheduled this coming Saturday at 0830 till 11hrs..looks like I will be spending friday night alone at hall again..after the make up lesson ended, will straight away go to Bedok to meet up with other friends for the NTUMS tea and BBQ at Mendaki Hall..and I will only be home by night and will go back to hall on late Sunday evening..whoa..so busyyy
Oh and this coming Friday evening, I might be starting my mentoring (my CCA) at Jurong West Sec School I think..later on there will be a briefing at 1900hrs so need to be sure if I can commit to this programme as I have a class that will end late evening on Friday..ARRGHHHH
Ok so how is my lovee life?Stagnant lah..don't know what to do..but I am well prepared should I be left alone..I really love DiDi but I do not comprehend myself as why I am feeling unsure of our love..WTH..
Oh How I wish I don't even how to love and be loved as I'm not perfect for you...
[Thursday, August 24, 2006]
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
SHucks..
Isn't it funny that we have to bumped into each other on a Tuesday again?
THE FOLLOWING HAD TO BE REMOVED AS HUMOROUSLY, SOME HUMAN WITH BALLS ACTUALLY GOSSIPED ABOUT IT..
[Tuesday, August 22, 2006]
Sunday, August 20, 2006
First Up..
THANK YOU ALL, especially roommie, Huda, Ydah, AngeLiza and few others who truly showed your concern towards me...even my NIE friends, be it male or female, were concerned when they saw my nick
Apologies Ydah because I was dumbfounded when you sent me your concern through sms as I was out of things to say..
How was the result of Istikharah..bad..but I need to redo it again..saw another guy's face..geee..
I cursed myself for wanting to do Istikharah..and the question is..why suddenly now?Why not earlier even before I met DiDi?Hmmmm
Told DiDi about EVERYTHING and he totally understands..and of course..is not as easy as leaving him and go after the guy who appeared in my dream..by the way, this guy is a newly made friend
Talked to a lot of people and listened to their views..generally they told me to search within myself and think for the best..
On the other hand, the reason why I did Istikharah was because I was confused, not because I do not love DiDi..I just find myself so clogged up in my mind..and the funny thing is, I don't even see this guy in my dream everyday as he is in NTU while I am in NIE
Some people even shared their stories of knowing a friend who actually left her guy whom she loved very much for another guy who appeared in her Istikharah dream..and now they are engaged!But how the heck she left him?Thereotically speaking, one should follow the sign as it is divine..but it involves other person's feelings and that, would one be so cruel to forsake everything for the unknown?I had been in this position before and I suffered big time..like they said, What goes up must come down and that's karma for you
Now, I'm just going with the flow and denying those dreams I had..
A married friend once said..that bf doesnt always be your husband but a stranger might..and hopefully, this DiDi of mine is the stranger *winks*
'Twas Love...and hast always been..for eternity
[Sunday, August 20, 2006]
Sunday, August 13, 2006
I am an emotional wreck these days -.-
I think I am possessed by a sad demon which has been lingering inside the hostel room
As I am writing this, I am ALONE in this room and tears are overflowing..just finished Isyak, Hajat, Istikharah and tilawah
I am thinking of moving out soon as I think I am thinking too much
Thy fate is in HIS hands..
Truly, but we as human is unable to foresee what HE has in store for us, and so, HE wants us to meet the wrong people first, before meeting the ONE destined for us
Out of the blue, I am second guessing. Not my current love but for our future, together or not. Yeah, reality hurts, but how far shall we hurt each other and (Nauzubillah) wound up not made for each other?
All around me, stories of people who have been together for 7 yo 10 years even, and they broke up, only to get married with their partner whom they only known for a year?!
I have this friend of mine, who was dedicated to his gf, only years later, both decided to stop because they did the Solat Istikharah only to realise that the image of their spouse are not each other's.
For the past years, this homo sapien with balls have made my life a living hell
These human being with balls have drained out every bit of my love only to be wasted and cheated
These human being with balls made me wasted my precious time and buckeroos
These human beings with balls are the ones who made me change the perception of life, only to see the negative side of it, not the postivie one
What is so special about them?
It's because, we, the one with wombs, need these human beings with balls to be our partner in the remaining period of our life, in sickness or health, in rich or poor, till death do us part.
Deary popped up the question months ago and I started to feel the pressure. I remembered the story mummy told me. Not to easily trust our counterpart as mummy paid a dear price for it. Just because she was selfish for her own happiness, it costed me. In what way? Just look at my dad's relatives, whom I seldom met, and when they do, they just gave me one look and never asked me anything. And why? Because believe it or not, in one way or the other, I resembled my beautiful mother, whom they thought, was the demoness who robbed the happiness of my father's life
But do they heard the story from mother's side?Of course not lah Duhhh *roll eyes*!
I pitied my mum..she had to overcome all sorts of problems on her own..be it the disrespect she got from father's and her soon-to-be husband, who is now my step father.
I do felt angry as because of her selfishness, I am father-less. Why can't she bear all those with him just for my (and 2 brothers) sake? As I've grown older and wiser, I've begin to understand the reason as I get to know my father more. Yes he is a bit off and I do take up after him a little, temper and all. And it does not helo that DiDi starts to show these traits as well.
But then again, I do yearn for that paternal love. It is very embarassing, till this day, to say that I came from a divorced family. I still remember how daddy treated me last time during the on-going divorce trial and still remember the heavy belt he will use everytime I get naughty.
Years gone by, and I begin to feel victimised. The past will still be raked up everytime I asked for financial assistance from father. I still remember that father refused to sign the acceptance poly form just because he will have to bear my school stuff, not mother. But stepmum was understanding and she helped me calm my father down
When will this end?Never, not until I get married. Not until father completed his duties as noun implies. Not until he signs the form and be my wali. Till then all the past will be stopped. Till then, they will stopped looking at me as the daughter of a woman who wrecked my father's life, instead of the daughter of a man who made my mother's life a living hell years ago and it should be the latter. Till then and beyond, I shall only carry his name around, after the binte in my pleasant name and even this will stay till death do our names not part. I do not hate you father, but I shall never forgive nor forget for what you did.
Why do I care and not my 2 brothers I supposed? Oh they can't be bothered with visiting relatives. I do. Why? Because I saw my relatives (from dad side) hugging and pinching my cheeks in my old chilhood pictures and now?Not even a "How are you?Have not being seeing you for a long time!" Except for one of my aunt (from my dad's side) who knows the real story of the divorce.
I swore on my life that I would not repeat's my mother's mistake as look at her now, she is happy, but I am not as I am the one who is deprived of paternal's love. I swore that I would never let my children feel this.
Talked to deary about this and he totally understand, though he kept saying that this is gonna be the start of the end of our relationship. Yes, reality hurts. It will be better to seek for answers from HIM before committing to each other in marriage
Told mummy about the question he popped up and mummy was not happy. She kept saying about there will be other better guys around and this does not help me at all, knowing that my mother has a salty mouth (read: what she says always come true)
Fortunately, Allah pities me. He gave me (including brothers and mummy) the greatest strength and confidence to strive and not let the past affect us. Why do you think being a successful career woman is vital for me? Who knows, I will be let down (nauzubillahi) by a human being with balls who left me by myself, to fend on my own. And so the cycle continues
Inni radhiitu billahi
"And Verily, I shall listen for those who seeks for me (God)"
And the search continues while I am an ilm' seeker lillah
[Sunday, August 13, 2006]
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Hellooo peeps
Life in hosteldom is quite depressing sometimes to me..because when my roommie is out having classes, I will be having a long break and what better way to spend it rather then staying in the room
Yesterday roommie finished class at 10.30 am and she went back to our hall for a while and quickly went out of school..I had some bread in the morning with Milo and a few minutes later, I drank Seasons Apple Tea (I bought the 6 packs stoock in moi room). Few minutes later my stomach ached like hell..I had a gastric attack!
It was soo bad..went out of hall at 12++ noon for my 1.30pm lecture. Struggled to go to the NIE prayer place..after prayer can't take it anymore..tears were flowing from my eyes..I had to buy a cake from the vending machine..and so..I was eating while crying..I was quite touched as there was a lady who looked at me questioningly and I guessed she was about to offer me help but I quickly smiled at her and walked away
There is this guy who has been checking me out and he bumped into me again at the vending machine yesterday..I saw that (out of the corner of my eye, after buying the cake and clutching my stomach and was moaning in pain), he actually took some steps back to look at me with concern..but thank god he didn't came over as I did not wish to be the damsel in distress..lol
I learnt my lesson..I need to eat lunch even even though I will be alone..so sianz..to think that I do not wish to eat just because I will be sitting alone in the canteen, accompanied by stares from the malay guys..and that all the more made me feel like a loser..
I hate being alone..sometimes tears will just flow out of my eyes while I walk along the long corridors of NIE..I will also cry out alone in the room if my roommie is not around because of the silence and loneliness that surround me all the time..but one had to apt being alone as this is a University..not a normal pri or sec school anymore..
But nonetheless living in a hostel gives me a sense of independence though I always feel homesick..missed the noise and watching TV..hostel do have a TV room but me and roommie are just too lazy to go down and watch it..roommie is very helpful and fun to be with..only that our schedules are so different that we didn't really spend time together..
On the other hand..I made a new male friend who is a very interesting chap to chat with..of cos DiDi was not happy in the first place as he felt insecure but finally he came to his senses and all is well..no more fightings and problems I hope..as if not..I fear that I will fall into depression, AGAIN
[Wednesday, August 09, 2006]
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Heyya guys
I will be staying at Hall of Residence, Nanyang Drive, Blk 35
Been busy packing stuff over..wahlao..so many stuff..from the toiletries to the clothes, to the kitchen stuff..Just did some spring cleaning earlier today but had to stop halfway because we need to attend the NTU freshmen welcome, which we arrived like, 30 minutes late anyway..big deal
Met DiDi in his smart four uni *drools*..met up with his friends and turned out that one of his friend's gf who joined us is also an NIE freshman..saw her around before and as always, she does not find me familiar.."-.-
Quite enjoyable talking to his friend..o and we went to Esplanade after dinner at Lucky Plaza level 6..gosh, hate that food court..it's like the mat and minah's united devils' club..practically everyone will look at whoever enters the front..and me in black boots happened to attract a lot of sick stares from the 'married-looking' guys and horny mats..ewww..I wonder how they can even realised that I wore boots as I'm wearing a full-lenght skirt..*Roll eyes*
On another note
Remember the war against Israelis and Palestinians? It was told that McDonald's actually increased their prices back then as they were providing weapons to the Israelis..So what's next? Coffee Bean? KFC? LJS (right *snorts*, they'd better improve their services first) or Ben and Jerry's?
Can't wait for my pay..weee!Shucks..need to buy 2 English textbooks. dotzzzz
[Saturday, August 05, 2006]
